So next week Bleach opens in Manchester and that means my last few sleeps have been heavy with the presence of my usual pre-show anxiety dreams. These will disappear as soon as the first Manchester show is done but they’ll inevitably arrive again before I get to Edinburgh.
I can’t moan too much about these dream as they probably stem from being slightly underprepared at this stage. Sure, I’ve performed Bleach a fair few times now but there’s been a bit of a break since Dublin so maybe lines won’t be as fresh in my head as they once were. Anyone who knows me knows I can only work when there's pressure, so despite the best of intentions I still haven't run the show in preparation for Manchester. I’ll do it tomorrow… I actually will… I have to.
But for now the anxiety dreams will just keep coming and they’re pretty predictable in their form.
My teeth fall out… classic.
I don’t know my lines… obviously.
I’m in some kind of situation involving water… apparently choppy water reflects anxiety or so says my dream dictionary.
They’re not night terrors or anything. Just a late night inconvenience at this stage. I know to expect them and I know how to shrug them off. They’re just another added thing that makes you wonder why you do it to yourself. The lead up is really so very stressful. This year it’s been especially stressful because there’s many unknown factors. I’ve never performed at the Manchester fringe before so I don't know what the marketing opportunities are like or how much of a community feel there is or how the venue will shape up. And having been out of Edinburgh for a year, that’s all starting to seem very big and scary again. Plus, my accommodation situation is sorted but very unpredictable.
So roll on Wednesday because I’m due a bloody good sleep. And roll on tomorrow because I need to run this show again lest the dreams become a reality!